Santino & Megan wrote a fav character of mine: Ian. Book 3 is more angsty.
Hard Wired by Megan Erickson
My rating: 5 of 5 stars
"Strong signal" and "Fast Connection" were both highly recommend books from my friends. We talked a lot about Kai or Costigan. Almost everyone I virtually knowM loved them, their partners, their stories.
But I haven't being warned for this one. No one has told me the emotional load this book has. I wasn't prevented for what Hard Wired has meant to me.
Garvy and Cherrycakes have worked together as mods for Kai's Twitch channel for two years. But when they finally meet in person, they do it as Jesse and Ian or, at least, as Jesse and a goth, sexy emo artist , known as Cerise. And here, with a base of lies and fears, their story begins. Here, the emotional journey with these two starts.
Ian has suffered a lot. His life has been shit, and the fact that he's been through hell and back shows in his "multiple" personalities.
He has built a barrier, a solid wall isolating him from the real world and creating some alter egos, inner personas to interact with people (mostly virtually). Personas that make him feel stronger, empowered. Identities that cover the part of himself that he doesn't want to show.
"My soul was hateful, so I´d erected walls around my heart and shoved claws under my nails after the first time I´ve been bullied"
Jesse, on the other side, is sweet, naive and a lovely character. He is shy but at the same time blatantly honest and I loved that in him. He is a good guy and he acts like one. Jesse Garvy is awesome. Our pretty surfer boy.
"This Kiss alone was fucking heaven. It wasn´t a percusor, it wasn´t even foreplay, it was the main goddamn event all on its own"
But he is also blocked, ridiculously selfless, sacrificing his life and going through the motions in a role he doesn't want to live... and Beau has a great quote here. A quote that could be perfectly out of "Good Will Hunting":
"I hoping one day you say fuck it, pack your bags, drive your car to LA and crash on my couch"
There is no doubt that Ian and Jesse´s relationship is hard. Going backwards, for every straight step the take.
Ian is complicated and even if Jesse struggles to understand him and be there for him, it's a difficult thing to do. He is completely inexperienced and he has a shitty parents but they are much better than Ian's experiences so probably he didn't get it the way he should.
There was a moment in the book where you could think Ian is overreacting or behaving like a spoiled brat or something like that. Even the relationship between our main characters could seem childish. But my point of view is completely the opposite. Ian can't cope with reality. He is disgusted with himself, he thinks he doesn't deserve good things, he doesn't trust in people, and the only way to cope is to create some alter egos to cope for him.
Well, I think it is pretty awesome to find a mechanism to face reality more... easily? But I think is better to find a mechanism that effectively works. You like it or not.
"I can´t pretend to be super fucking normal all the time, Jesse. I am anxious and scared, and sometimes, I´m so vulnerable it makes me sick. And I don´t know how to fix that about myself, or fix the way I want to hide myself completely when those parts of my brain take over"
It is true that Ian/Cerise drama was a bit exhausting the last ten percent of the book but I loved him anyway
This book was a sure thing, so I didn't bother in reading the blurb. I started blind on reviews too, and you could say (in this metaphorical blindness thing) that I, also, blindly loved everything in this book. Every minute. Every page.
I've never thought about myself as an angst junkie, because I am not. I scape drama as much as I can. Really. Not my thing. But with this book, I just find out this is my kind of angst: not too much, just a sad edge, a very constant give-and-take, a permanently present tussle between two characters I was loving very, very much.
And probably the love I professed for both MCs is the reason I enjoyed this sad story. Because this is sad and a bit depressing too, but it is also sweet, and addictive and hot.
This is probably the less steamy in the series (so far) but also the deeper, or at least, this is how I see it. Ian is so fucked-up that he makes this book darker than the others and at the same time, sweeter in the end and the HEA, because the attainment is bigger. Much bigger.
Summarizing, this is a love story between two complete different men. It is the perfect match between light and dark where light is not so bright and dark it isn't that black. They converged in a perfect shiny grey... And, yes, I'm sure this awesome color exists ;-)
This review has been posted on Dirty Books Obsession
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